Space Corp Directive #003
By joining Star Corps. each individual tacitly
consents to give up his inalienable rights to life, liberty, and adequate
toilet facilities. (yes it says Star Corps.)
Space Corps Directive #147
Crew members are expressly forbidden from leaving
their vessel except on production of a permit. Permits can only be issued
by the Chief Navigation Officer, who is expressly forbidden from issuing
them except on production of a permit.
Space Corps directive #169
It's never said what this directive says either but it's probably has something
to do with a sacrifice a hologramatic crew member has to take for the benefit
of the rest of the crew. Kryten reminds Rimmer of this directive when he's
mad about the "time-sharing" idea with Dr. Landstrom.
Space Corps Directive #195
Clearly states that in an emergency power situation,
a hologrammatic crewmember must lay down his life in order that the living
crewmembers might survive.
Space Corps Directive #349
Any officer found to have been slaughtered and
replaced by a shape-changing chameleonic life form shall forfeit all pension
rights.
Space Corps Directive #592
In an emergency situation involving two or more
officers of equal rank, seniority will be granted to whichver officer can
program a vcr.
Space Corps directive 595
Allows you to keep people in Quarantine for a
period of 3 months, however if the people can use Space Corps Directive
699 to demand a re-screening after five days, if no trace of diease is
found they can leave Quarantine.
Space Corps directive #597
Clearly states "One berth per registered crew
member"
Space Corps Directive #723
Terraformers are expressly forbidden from recreating
Swindon.
Space Corps Directive #997
Work done by an officer's doppleganger in a parallel
universe cannot be claimed as overtime.
Space Corp Directive #1694
During temporal disturbances, no questions shall
be raised about any crewmember whose timesheet shows him or her clocking
off 187 years before he clocked on.
Space Corps Directive #1742
No member of the Corps should ever report for
active duty in a ginger toupee
Space Corp Directive #1743
No registered vessel should attempt to transverse
an asteroid belt without deflectors.
Space Corp Directive #5796
No officer above the rank of mess sergeant is
permitted to go into combat with pierced nipples
Space Corps directive #5799
Rimmer tries to use this as a reason not to let
Lister in when there is a chance he might be a Psiren. He never says what
the directive is but I would assume it is something about the safety of
the crew.
Space Corps Directive #7214
To perserve morale during long-haul missions,
all male officers above the rank of First Technician must, during panto
season, be ready to put on a dress and a pair of false breasts.
Space Corps Directive #7713
The log must be kept up to date at all times
with current service records, complete mission data, and a comprehensive
and accurate list of all crew birthdays so that senior officers may avoid
bitter and embarrassing silences when meeting in the corridor with subordinates
who have not received a card.
Space Corps Directive #34124
No officer with false teeth should attempt oral
sex in zero gravity
Space Corps Directive #43872
Suntans will be worn during off-duty hours only.
Space Corp Directive #68250 is never exactly quoted so I have decided to include the conversation it was mentioned in:
Rimmer | That's it I'm invoking space corp directive 6_8_2_5_0 |
Kryten | 6_8_2_5_0? But sir, surely thats impossible without at least one live chicken and a raabi. |
Rimmer | Forget it. Forget I was ever born. |
Kryten | But sir, I'm very happy to perform the ceremony, but I'm bewildered as to how sacrificing poultry will clear up the screen problem. |
Space Corp Directive #196156:
Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the
excercise bicycle in the women's gym will be discharged without trial.
Addition: There is one Space Corp Directive about removing an irrational
person from duty, Rimmer tries to invoke it against Lister in Rimmerworld.
Rimmer gives the wrong number (196156) however Kryten does not tell him
the correct number, but he quotes the directive Rimmer named and for once
Rimmer does not give the correct number afterward.
Rimmer Directives:
The first Rimmer Directive is also mentioned in Polymorph.
R: The Rimmer Directive which states, "Never tangle with anything that's got more teeth than the entire Osmond family"?
Rimmer Directive 271 states clearly, "No chance you metal bastard."
R: Why does he only ever use them against me? Why never against
Lister? Why do we never hear him quoting a Space Corps directive to clearly
state "No crewmember should floss his teeth with the E-string of his guitar
after spraying the entire contents of his sugar puff sandwich all over
his superior's bunk"? We never hear that one, do we?
All Nations Agreements:
Only one has been mentioned, it was in Gunmen Of The Apocalypse. I have
included it in conversational mode because it's funnier that way.
Rimmer | I've no idea who you are, but boarding this vessel is an act of war, ergo, we surrender. And as prisoners of war I invoke the all nations agreement article number 39436175880932/B. |
Kryten | 39436175880932/B. All nations attending the conference are only allocated one parking space. Is that entirely irrelevant sir. I mean here we are, in mortal danger and you're worried about the Chinese delegates bringing two cars. |
Rimmer | Can't you let just one go, I was talking about the right of P-O-Ws to non-violent constraint. |
Kryten | But that's 75880932/C, sir. |